“affirm (verb): to state as fact or to strongly assert (declare, proclaim) publicly”

If the me 12 months ago could see the me now, she would be (in two words or less), beside herself. I have journeyed these last 12 months toward this point in my life with a new understanding, open eyes, and a healed heart. On this day 12 months ago, Reynold and I celebrated two months as newlyweds.

In early celebration, I may have indulged in one too many glasses of prosecco so I was not feeling too well that morning. But, I had a strong inclination it could be something more that left me feeling off kilter. And with bated breath (how cliché right), I purchased a pregnancy test and a package of mints (hopefully the cashier wouldn’t notice), and headed home with a Popeyes lunch (because fried chicken makes everything better).

I awkwardly positioned myself with a prayer and a pee stick to see how many lines the Lord would grant me. Now I am not certain how many lines I was hoping for, but in the time it took me to flush the toilet and wash my hands, I can confidently tell you there were two bold lines that equated to the biggest change of my life – I was pregnant.

I freaked. I panicked. I cried. I was in no mental state to have a child. I had recently come out of a terrible work situation, lost my grandmother exactly one month prior, and to the day had only been married for two months. How could I have a baby? I was in too much transition. I was too broken to care for someone else when I could barely care for myself. If you are a Scandal Gladiator you will understand when I say, I was going through a Smelly Melly phase. The fact that my new husband could even love me, yet alone be next to me was a blessing. Yet here I was, about to have his child.

There is a Japanese art called Kintsugi. This word means “golden repairs”. It is a beautiful form where it takes broken pieces of pottery and repair it with a dusting of gold, silver or platinum. The idea is brokenness and repairs are nothing more than part of the history of an object. And the beautiful seams of brokenness are highlighted to give the piece a unique appearance. Something that was once broken soon becomes beautiful and a point of pride.

Last year this time my headspace was as negative and messy as American politics and more broken than the earth's ecosystems and I was expected to be a mother. How? I mean, clearly, I know how. But how? More importantly, how was I going to get myself to a better version of myself to carry, birth, and raise a child?

For me, what has helped heal my brokenness (besides Jesus, heaven’s holy super glue) were three things;

Affirmations
Self-talk
Accountability

Self-talk smoothed the edges of my broken pieces, Jesus was the potter who put me back together, affirmations were the gold dust that highlighted the seams of brokenness, while accountability gave me courage to display my story with pride. What I’ll focus on are affirmations – specifically the power of words in creating your story.

The power of affirmations is to affirm – pronounce, declare, state – a belief as true; therefore, what you say is true. Thus, if you affirm negativity, you affirm the negative belief as true. Which, obviously, means if you affirm positivity, you affirm the positive belief as true.

For affirmations to be effective and their power to bloom into fullness in your life, you must truly believe what they tell you. What makes affirmations all the more powerful is stating them out loud. There have been so many times this last 12 months where I have been so overwhelmed and had to state my affirmations out loud. I am certain drivers, store clerks, and coworkers thought I was crazy.

I had to believe that was I was saying was truth. The more I said I was hurt, the more hurt I became because that was the thought I was dwelling on. The more I said I am healing, the more healing I sought out. Romans 12.2 reminds us to renew or transform or overhaul or renovate your mind. Affirmations helps you do that. What helped me believe the affirmations, was believing they are part of the dialogue of the new story I am creating.

When we found out we were pregnant, a part of me was devastated #transparent. A part of my life, my dreams, the goals, the timelines I had set for myself and my new married life had been changed and already I was making sacrifices (hello honeymoon destination). I remember many nights when I cried – sometimes alone, sometimes to my husband – when I remembered I was pregnant (hello not showing until seven months plus).

What I didn’t realize then was I was mourning the loss of an idea and vision I had for my life. What I didn't realize is it is perfectly okay to grieve your dreams and hopes that can no longer stand. What helped me grieve that part of my life was what my husband asked me. He asked “what if you are not losing anything and you are really gaining? What if this new story will bring you all the things you wanted out of life?”

And this friends, is what quickly became my constant reminder – this sudden and pivotal shift in my life meant there was a major shift in my story and it is up to me, as the protagonist of my life, to either let the story play out and end well or not. Affirmations acted as a constant reminder of positivity.

So here I am, 12 months later as a wife of 14 months and a mother of 16 weeks, and a woman changed by the power of words.

If you’d like to know more about affirmations and how they impacted my journey over the course of the last 12 months, subscribe to The Musings (aka my blog) where you will learn when my next post goes up where I will continue to unpack the power of words and positivity, along with the power of affirmations and how you can bring that positivity to your own life.

Want one-on-one transparent conversation on the power of affirmation (yes, I am a poet and I know it)? I’m your girl! Email me at alyestal@alyestal.com and let’s see where the power of words will take us.