Plastic surgeon of the 50’s Maxwell Maltz found that it takes a minimum of 21 days to form a habit and and 90 to form a lifestyle. Well as new parents, my husband and I have reached the 90 day mark this week. We are no longer exactly newbies as we have reached just beyond the probation period. Baby girl is officially ours ;)
We have made it to the three month mark at the beginning of April and in the midst of sleepless nights, we have done so much with our little. From photoshoots for doll companies, to meeting political leaders at Queen’s Park, to taking to stages and art galleries - we have done a lot. And in all of this doing, I can confidently say I have learned even more; about myself and my relationship with God. However, that will be shared in another post later this month.
What I can say now is that I have learned three things in the last three months that are pertinent to keep in mind when creating new habits and lifestyles. These three things are especially helpful when heading into tackling your goals for the new quarter and the remainder of the year. Here they are;
Achieving success and greatness is a long, slow walk so enjoy.
Every day babies change and grow, but they don’t go from being born to walking – there is much learning that takes place in between. And that in between can be hard. Really hard. But it is this in between that needs to be appreciated and enjoyed. I remember reading “the days are long, but the years are short”. And let me tell you, the days with a new baby can be incredibly long. But to imagine that three months has passed already is wild.
The same is true when creating new habits and lifestyle changes. The distance between where you start and where you want to be is vast and getting there will be a long, slow walk – at minimum 21 days long. So you might as well enjoy the time it takes to get there because as long as you remain true to your goals, success is inevitable. Focus on the small moments because shifts and changes will come quickly and you will get there.
"The days are long, but the years are short."
Strive for progress not perfection.
Being a parent, especially a first time one, has many challenges. No matter how you may equip yourself for what you believe is before you, there is still so much learning to be done. Which means, there is still so much room for mistakes. In the midst of your long walk, you will make mistakes because you will encounter things about yourself, the world, and the life you’re living that you have no idea about and you will stumble over it and you may fall – hard.
The long walk that leads to your new habit and lifestyle is a transition. While your goal is your motivation, let learning be your guide and strive for learning and progressing what you know forward instead of aiming to be perfect because as a recovering perfectionsit I know how damaging aiming for perfection can be.
Motherhood is a process, not an event.
Pregnancy is an event. There is a deadline, there are known milestones. There are things that you have to do to prepare for the big day. A countdown ensues. And as the proverbial “x” goes through each day, you’re inched closer to show time.
However, pregnancy, more specifically delivery, is a state in which you cannot remain forever. You must reach the end. Regardless of the outcome. Regardless of when. You must give birth. Motherhood, is quite the opposite. It is a constant climb. There is no deadline. There is no single moment you are striving for. It never ends. You are forever a mother. It is a permanent state of being. But even as it continues, you never master it. You’re always learning. Motherhood is a process.
Simlarily, your goals, your habits, the lifestyle you are creating is a process. Once the 21 days, 90 days, or whatever number of days it takes for you to achieve your goal passes, you have to maintain your accomplishment. You grow from that point. You develop what you have learned and you go further. You cannot stay in the same place. Achieving your goals is a process.
It is said, from the ground you cannot see the top of the mountain, but if you start climbing, you can reach it. Keep striving for the successes you desire. Push forward in learning more about yourself and what you are attempting to grow. And enjoy each step of the process because the 21 or 90 days are going to pass anyway – you might as well do something with it.